The curse is on! [Long Story Post 1]

(Blogger Note - This is the first post in a long story about the future of which, I have no idea. But I think I can make this into a full blooded one. Lets see how it goes.)

The curse is on, baybeh! And is it at its destructive best or what! I am experiencing its full-blooded effect these days, every single moment of each single frickin' day. Sometimes I am forced to think about the end result of this. And I'll tell you what - for all my daredevilry (read foolhardiness), I swear to God this thought leaves me shit scared. But then when I think of it, there have been very few times in my whole frickin' life when I've not been close to shit scared. So I ask myself to resign to fate and treat every damn failure with a smile on my face, as plastic as it may be.
When anger and frustration are mixed with a tinge of absolute non-perseverance, this is what you get - a man who has no clue where he is heading to or where he should be heading to. Now that is good in two God forsaken ways - one, as they say, when you are going nowhere, its pretty easy to get there, and two, you have absolutely nothing to lose and every frickin' thing to win.
Someone else may have used these two arguments to work his way to the top, yet again. But I'm so not someone else. I'm me. I will commit acts of stupidity one after the other, I will accept shit from people every single day as if its a present. I will continue to believe that everything is wrong with this world, that everything and everyone is against me. That everyone is so awfully wrong, and that I'm wrong too.
.
.
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But that can't be right, or can it be? Someone has to be right. Aah, you forgot the part about the paradoxes in my head. Gotcha!

And so I repeat, the curse is on. Its Boxing Day today and I tell you what, life is punching the hell outta me. Thought you'd like to know. :-)

So it all comes back,
even more viciously this time around.
There's no point in asking what went wrong,
nothing was ever right.
False hopes crash again,
It was inevitable, I know.


As my heart cries tonight,
as tears run like flames through my eyes,
I can't help but feel guilty.
Of not controlling my emotions, or
of expressing them so blatantly.


I do not know where I go from here.
I have no clue how I ended up here.
I give in, I surrender.