The curse is on! [Long Story Post 1]

(Blogger Note - This is the first post in a long story about the future of which, I have no idea. But I think I can make this into a full blooded one. Lets see how it goes.)

The curse is on, baybeh! And is it at its destructive best or what! I am experiencing its full-blooded effect these days, every single moment of each single frickin' day. Sometimes I am forced to think about the end result of this. And I'll tell you what - for all my daredevilry (read foolhardiness), I swear to God this thought leaves me shit scared. But then when I think of it, there have been very few times in my whole frickin' life when I've not been close to shit scared. So I ask myself to resign to fate and treat every damn failure with a smile on my face, as plastic as it may be.
When anger and frustration are mixed with a tinge of absolute non-perseverance, this is what you get - a man who has no clue where he is heading to or where he should be heading to. Now that is good in two God forsaken ways - one, as they say, when you are going nowhere, its pretty easy to get there, and two, you have absolutely nothing to lose and every frickin' thing to win.
Someone else may have used these two arguments to work his way to the top, yet again. But I'm so not someone else. I'm me. I will commit acts of stupidity one after the other, I will accept shit from people every single day as if its a present. I will continue to believe that everything is wrong with this world, that everything and everyone is against me. That everyone is so awfully wrong, and that I'm wrong too.
.
.
.
But that can't be right, or can it be? Someone has to be right. Aah, you forgot the part about the paradoxes in my head. Gotcha!

And so I repeat, the curse is on. Its Boxing Day today and I tell you what, life is punching the hell outta me. Thought you'd like to know. :-)

So it all comes back,
even more viciously this time around.
There's no point in asking what went wrong,
nothing was ever right.
False hopes crash again,
It was inevitable, I know.


As my heart cries tonight,
as tears run like flames through my eyes,
I can't help but feel guilty.
Of not controlling my emotions, or
of expressing them so blatantly.


I do not know where I go from here.
I have no clue how I ended up here.
I give in, I surrender.

Hello World!

Finally!
I am here with a new blog, a new blog post. I have another one too - http://abhishekgecu.blogspot.com which has some random stuff including some of the best that I have ever written, particularly this - http://abhishekgecu.blogspot.com/search/label/Shades%20of%20Pschyedelia.

So why the new blog then, when I already have one which currently enjoys an IndiRank of despite being dormant since God-knows-when? The answer is simple and yet complex. I have this pressing feeling that I'm a different person now, much different than what I used to be. And strangely, I still feel that parts of me, certain things about me are just the same. I guess this is something which happens to all of us but I admit this process isn't proving to be too comfortable for me. It gives rise to constant turmoil, chaos and upheaval in my head and my heart. This blog will be an attempt at documenting all of that and more.

Now for the question about the name. I'm cent percent sure that I'm a cynic to the core, but a very different kind of one at that. I say this because there have been very very few occasions when I have lost hope even in the face of the most impending of problems and issues but still I am never sure I'll be able to achieve something or even do something very basic. You would say that is under-confidence but wait... this holds true for other things too. I'm never sure India is going to win a cricket series against the once-mighty, now-pathetic Aussies at home. God knows what's up with my head! I guess this also explains the central paradox that resides comfortably in a large portion of my cranium and gives rise to many other related ones.

So here's a disclaimer-cum-warning: You will seldom find posts in this blog which will cheer you up or give you hope. There will be lots of posts which would seem to be written when the author was drunk on the elixir of pessimism.

If you can relate to the bullshit you read above, do keep coming back.